Naughty Narrations and Saucy Stories with Meaningful Messages

ISBN 978-81-907320-6-2

Pages 300

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The first few chapters for your reading pleasure. Please note that the matter is copyrighted. (C) Dr L.Prakash. Email at [email protected] for permission to copy excerpts.

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1 Time Management

A  tired and listless business executive went for his routine checkup.  The doctor examined him and found that he was generally run down.  The doctor had this new theory about sexual deprivation being the chief cause of executive stress.  He asked
“Well Sir!  How are your sexual relations with your wife?
“Oh Excellent doctor! Each day I fuck her before I leave home!”
The doctor thought a bit and said  “Hmm! What you need is variety. Too much of monotony I guess!”
“Oh! I get variety all right.  Most nights I visit my mistress and have a lot of variety”  He replied.
The doctor was a little thoughtful and said “Hmm! May be you lack of little adventure!”
 No doctor! I have plenty of adventure.  My girl friend gives me a blowjob twice every day.  And I drop bye my married girl friends place before I go to my mistress. I get enough adventure playing hide and seek with my girlfriends mobster husband!”  He replied confidently,
Now the doctor nodded his head.  It was not lack of sex that was the problem.  It was too much of sex that was the problem.  He said “Aren’t you doing it a little too much?  Don’t you think you have to take things in your hands?”
The man nodded knowingly “Oh doctor!  I use my hand too.  Six times every day without fail!”

At least you should give it to this guy for time management.  He is able to squeeze a lot of things in a day.  This brings us to the topic of this chapter.  We all know that time is a paradox in itself.  It is a fact that some people have all the time in the world while some are always short of time.  Some are languid and relaxed, while others are hurried and harried.  And yet time flows at the same speed for all of us.

How is it that some people are able to achieve more than others?  How is it that the same twenty four hours is enough for some to do his work, enjoy his leisure and have some time left over, while to others it is barely adequate to complete yesterday’s work?
The answer to this seemingly complex question is prioritization.  Our mind gives an order of importance rating to our tasks but in most cases it is a first impression impulse rather than a “thought of” exercise.  And thus our mind is capable of producing a lopsided list with unimportant things at the top while really important things occupy space right at the bottom.  In this way what ever time is available with us gets exhausted in completing unimportant activities and we find that we don’t have any time left for important things.

All it takes is a look at your last twenty four hours to prove my point.  What have you done in the last twenty four hours?  Let me rephrase this question for you.  What have you done in the past twenty four hours that you can count as an achievement, so that you could remember it the next year?  And how many things remained undone from yesterday which you have to complete today?  The above answer would tell you how effective your time management is!
A small story tells something about time management and prioritization.

Each day a young man would come to a barber shop and ask how long he would have wait to get his hair cut.  The barber would count the waiting customers and tell him the approximate time!  The man would nod his head and walk out.  This continued for a few days and the curious barber decided to conduct enquiries.  He asked his assistant to wait outside and discreetly follow the customer as he walked out.  Some time later the assistant come back and said
“Sir!  He has gone straight to your house!”
The Barber’s wife’s lover needed to schedule his timings.  He needed to know how busy the husband was, so that he could utilize his time with the wife to his best advantage.
But this young lady who wasted her time for most of the academic year decided to take some shortcuts to compensate for her lost time.  She dressed provocatively with two shirt buttons undone.  She sprayed a sensuous perfume and went to the professor’s house in the evening.  He invited her in and offered her a seat.
She sat before him, fluttered her eye lashes, bent forward to display a generous cleavage and in a sexy husky voice said
“Sir! I am willing to do anything!  Absolutely anything to pass this exam!”
“Absolutely Anything Sir!”
“Why don’t you go home and start studying?  If you study well for a year, I see no reason why you wouldn’t pass!”

Obviously the young lady in the above story had not learnt to prioritize.  When Albert Einstein had been asked to explain the concept of prioritization and relativity of time in a layman’s’ language, he said
“When you are sitting on a hot plate, a second seems like an hour.  But when you are sitting on your girl friend’s lap, an hour passes in a flash.  Probably quicker than a second.  If this doesn’t prove that time is relative, nothing will”
We all know that good times seem to pass in a flash, while had times seem to go on slowly and painfully.  But once we master time and thereby time management, these things would cease to bother us because we would have known how to prioritize things in life.  I have found the following point useful in time management.

  1. Deadlines
  2. Focus
  3. Making written lists
  4. Scheduling appointments
  5. Defining priorities
  6. On time habit

1.          Deadlines:
Most people hate deadlines. But to some, deadlines are a stimulus to get work done.  Many studies have shown that in college essays, the quality of submissions is not too different whether the students are given only one day or four weeks.  It appeared that in four week assignments, most work happened on the last day.
            It is quite similar to visiting the towns best tailor to get your suit stitched.  If he takes six weeks to stitch your suit, it does not mean that the stitching would continue for six weeks.  It would lie idle for five weeks and five days.  The actual stitching would be done two days prior to delivery.  Don’t you always find that the suit is just being ironed when you go to collect delivery?
            This surely proves that however distasteful deadlines are, they get the work done.  If you don’t have deadlines, you have no pressures to finish the work at all.  This book is being written in the prison.  An under-trial prisoner in the Indian Criminal Justice System does nothing.  I was a man used to deadlines.  It would even be true to say that I lived by deadlines.  But with no work, obviously you can not have deadlines. Then I found work for myself.  I started writing.  I wrote and wrote without caring much about what I wrote.  For the initial six months my writing was mundane and limp and I had to throw away all that I had written. But suddenly I realized that I was getting some where. I had started a novel and it was progressing well.  Now I had an opportunity to set up my deadlines and follow them.  I set up a deadline for so many words per day and so many chapters per week.
            Yesterday I completed three years in the prison and this is my thirty sixth volume of writings.  At one volume a month I think that it is a creditable speed.  I am sure I would not have been able to get to this unless I had made deadlines and stuck to them.  I have promised to finish this book and give it to the typist on the coming Thursday and I hope I am able to do it.  I know I will do my level best to enforce my deadline.

2.         Focus:
            We must ask ourselves what we want.  We must focus on our priority.  We must keep reminding ourselves of our priorities.  And we must continue to manage our time to guide our actions towards our target which we have focused upon.  In addition, the following points help us to stay in focus.

  1. Do the difficult jobs first and get them out of the way.  The easy jobs would be done almost automatically.
  2. If the problem seems to be difficult as a whole, try splitting it into parts.  Part by part you might be able to tackle the problem better.
  3. There is no time like now.  There is no reason for postponement except for your laziness.

Follow the above three suggestions and you would stay in focus of what you want.

3.         Making Written lists:
            I know that you are intelligent.  I know that you have an excellent memory.  I know that you have decidedly more than average I.Q.  How do I know all this?  Because you have been intelligent enough to buy this book.  Thus for a person like you, making a mental list of a dozen things and remembering them would be absolutely no problems.  But I am still advising you to make written lists.  This is because;

  1. No one has a perfect memory and even Harry Lorrya… what is his name, forgets an occasional thing.  A written note reminds you of things that you have forgotten.
  2. The moment you make a written list, you win half the battle towards prioritization.  A detailed list right in front of your eyes allows you to see things in a new perspective and helps you to arrange them once again in an order  of priorities.
  3. You can score off the items on the list and the diminishing list improves your confidence and allows you to manage your remaining time more efficiently.
  4. At the end of the day a completely scored off lest tells you that you have  managed your  time rightly and stuck to your deadlines for the day.

4.         Scheduling Appointments
            I have  developed a few  methods to schedule my appointments for a more efficient time management.
1.          I don’t  see people without an appointment. Unless I know exactly why some one is coming to meet me, how can I be prepared to handle him or her efficiently?
2.          Rather than staggering the appointments throughout the day, I bunch them. Thus I can be in a meet – the – visitor – mood for the couple of hours when I see all the people I have to  see. And once this is over, I can get back to my other work where I would remain undisturbed.
3.          I am rather punctual and expect punctuality from the people  who come to meet me!
4.          I schedule according to the priority. Important  people first. Salesmen – last!

5.         Defining Priorities!
Merrill Douglas  has listed five points which would automatically allow us to define our priorities. He also calls them good habits that would achieve positive results.
            These five habits are

  1. Keep setting new goals. Write out your goals and once you achieve them, set additional  new goals.
  2. Analyze your behavior. Look  back to what you have done and         evaluate yourself. Only by looking back would you be able to look forward.
  3. Plan your time. Bears repetition because the importance of this point cannot be over stressed.
  4. Cut out time wasters! Don’t talk about them. Don’t blame them. Just cut them out.
  5. Stop Procrastinating!  You would be better off using the procrastinating time  more profitably.

6.         On time Habits: 
            “On time” Habits too is a term coined by Merrill  Douglas who lists out six things

  1. Estimate time  needs before you embark upon a task. To get a more precise idea break each task and then allot  time for each sub task.
  2. Start on time. Don’t wait until last minute. Try to finish  before your dead line.
  3. Set your watch early. I always keep mine six minutes early.
  4. Focus on leaving time and not reaching time. If you have to get to a meeting at 3.00 p.m., you have to leave by 2.15 p.m. Focus on 2.15 and not on 3.00.
  5. Avoid ‘one – last – thing’ tendency. When you have to leave, leave. Don’t  waste time with one last phone call or one more memo.
  6. Allow time for the unexpected. Some times things go wrong. If you are in a hurry, more things go wrong. Allow extra time in your schedule to allow for unexpected things  that may crop up!

It all boils down  to how you plan your time to spend it most efficiently. And this brings us to a funny story to end this chapter with.

An ex-service man had gone to a bank for a job interview under a disabled quota. He looked normal enough and to a curious interview board, he explained that his war injury was rather private. He had fallen over a land mine which had blown his testicles off.
Testicles apart, he was found suitable for the job and once the appointment letter was handed over to him, he asked
“And Sir! What would be my duty hours from tomorrow?”
The big boss gave a smile and said
“Oh! We all get here by 9.30 a.m., but you can come by 10.30!”
“But Sir! I don’t want any special favours because of my disability!”
“Disability be dammed. Actually we don’t do much till 10.30 but scratch our balls!”

Neither  the tired executive in the first story or the bank in the last story had any difficulty in managing their time!

2. Determination

Even the most difficult and impossible dreams would become a reality if determined efforts are made to achieve it. A firm determination achieves most things in life. A risqué and funny story from the old times tells this clearly.
            Birbal, the minister of emperor Akbar’s court was renowned for his intelligence and wit.  The Emperor had  a number of wives and Birbal was having  an affair with the youngest.   An emperor like Akbar would have thousands of things to do and thus it was possible for the young queen and the minister to snatch private moments whenever possible.  Once when Birbal and the queen were basking in the  post coital glow, Birbal was explaining his philosophy of life that Nothing-was-impossible! The young queen was naughty and mischievous. She pouted her lips and asked naughtily
“In that case, can you make love to me, in the nude, out in the open, under the blue sky with the Emperor himself watching us?”
This was indeed a difficult challenge, but Birbal being who he was accepted it. After all he knew that determination would produce solutions for the most complex problems. It did not take too long for Birbal to produce a solution. One afternoon, Birbal accompanied the King and the queen when they were strolling in the garden. Birbal caught the young queen’s eye and gave her a signal that she had to be ready.
A little ahead of them was a date palm tree. Birbal steered the king away from the tree’s shadow.
“Oh mighty King!  Walk a little to this side. Please take care that you don’t walk into the shadow of the tree!”
The king was intrigued and asked Birbal as to why he was stopping him. The Minister explained in a serious tone
“Your Honour!  This is  supposed to be an illusionary  tree. It produces strange illusions and hallucinations. It is best if your lordship stays a little away!”
            As expected, emperor Akbar was not convinced. He wanted further explanations. Birbal continued “Oh mighty emperor! I have not actually seen any thing  myself, but I have been told  that any one who climbs on it would see strange illusions and hallucinations!”
Akbar was an intelligent person and would not believe in such tripe!  Seeing  his skepticism, Birbal said
“Oh King! You and queen remain here while I climb up the tree and have a look. I shall confirm if the alleged rumors are true!” Birbal started climbing up slowly. Every few feet he would pause and stare down hard.  He bore a quizzical expression on his face as he gazed down. He climbed the top, peered  down for a short while and slowly climbed down. It is easier to climb up a date palm tree than climb down  and his decent took considerable time. As he came down, the king and queen realized that his face was flushed and Birbal looked flustered dazed and confused. The  curious Akbar asked him what is was,  but Birbal acted as if he was too embarrassed to speak. He said
“Oh Emperor! Please don’t ask  me what I saw.  It is best to forget all this illusion business.  Come,  let us continue our walk!”
Human nature being what it is, the Kings curiosity had  raised to a fever pitch and  he insisted that Birbal tell him what he saw.  But the Minister was reluctant  and  gave some weak excuses. Finally king Akbar had to threaten Birbal with dire consequences if  he did  not tell what he saw.
“Oh Emperor!  I saw the queen and you without a stitch of clothes on your body, making mad and passionate love on the grass  beneath  the tree.  But by the time, I climbed down, I find you like this. I am sure that this is a tree of illusions and people  who climb up, see strange visions!”
Emperor Akbar was  not convinced. He said
“Hold on! Let me climb up to the top and see for myself if you are telling the truth!”
And while the King climbed up, Birbal went to the queen  and started undressing her. By his cleverness and determination, Birbal could fulfill his promise to the queen while  Akbar saw a fantastic illusion  from the tree top.
Birbal was determined and was able to achieve the impossible. Goes to prove that with determined efforts you could achieve anything.

The episode in Mahabharata which  illustrates this clearly is the story of Abhimanyu.
Arjuna married Subadhra, Lord Krishna’s sister. Abhimanyu was their son and finds place in our history as one of the most courageous warriors of his time.  Arjuna was not only an expert archer but also a mighty military strategician. Guru Drona had taught him certain special tricks which were unknown to other generals and warriors.
“Vyuha” in Sanskrit means an array or a formation. In the ancient battle, a battalion used to consist of elephants, horses, chariots and foot soldiers. Many such battalions would form a  division  which could be arrayed in various battle formations. Tamra-Chakra-Vyuha was a special battle formation, shaped liked a lotus. It was a complex array and almost impossible to penetrate.
Arjuna was the only person who could break this formation. He was explaining this to Subadhra who was pregnant with Abhimanyu. The little boy in the womb listened to his father’s description for a while. But being a tiny child,  he could not remain awake for too long and could hear only half of it.  Many years later, during the Mahabharata war, it was this Abhimanyu’s who saved the battle on the thirteenth day. It was Abhimanyu’s determination that saved the day.
“Sankalpakas” were the suicide squads of the ancient times.  They would take an oath of never retreating from the battle field and fighting into death. Kauravas had a regiment of “Sankalpakas”  who challenged Arjuna to a fight. While Arjuna was thus diverted and drawn away from the battle field, Dronacharya arranged the remaining Kaurava army in the Tamra-Chakravyuha and surged  ahead in an  attack  causing a great misery to the Pandava formation.
The only person  who knew the trick of breaking the Chakrauyuha was Arjuna, who was away at that time.  There  was panic in the Pandava camp and no one knew what to do! At this time Abhimanyu came to the rescue.   He told the elders  that  he had learnt how to break the formation and enter inside, but he did not know how to come out. There  was a small conference but the consensus  emerged that it was unwise to risk young Abhimanyu’s life by asking him to lead the attack. But the young prince  was determined!
He told the Pandavas to stay close behind him  and join  him in his wake. The elders agreed and the  Tamra-Chakravyuha was broken.  It was solely due  to  Abhimanyu’s determination that this could be achieved. It was unfortunate that Abhimanyu’s  followers could not  get into the formation fast enough and the unfortunate  prince lost his  life.   But  it was determination that saved the  thirteenth day of the Mahabharata war for the Pandavas.
Lord Krishna  while advising Arjuna says in Bhagwad Geetha (Chapter 18 sloka 33)

Dhritya Yaya  Dharayate
Mahaha Parne Indriya Kriya
Yogena Abhicharanya
Drinithi  Sa Partha Salviki

“Oh Arjuna! It is true  to say that steadfastedness and determination would achieve victory in all situations”

 The  short story below tells us how a determined effort would get results in almost all the situations.
One friend  said to the other
“You keep talking about determination producing results. But each time I want to make love, my  wife has a headache! What sort of determined efforts would help me?”
 The other friend thought a bit and told him an idea.  The first chap got home and as usual, the wife said that she had a headache.  Exactly as advised by his friend he said
“Well honey!  I am determined  to make love to you today.  Either your head ache is mild and you can do it with me.  If it is severe then  it would  need treatment.  I have come prepared as I have coated my penis with powdered aspirin. It is up to you whether you take it orally or as a rectal or vaginal paesseary!

Determination always produces results. Unless you are determined to achieve some thing; how will you achieve it??


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