Hundred Lifenomy Nuggets

ISBN 978-81-907320-1-7

Pages 300

List Price Rs 250 INR

 

Buy these books from Amazon

Buy these books from Flipkart

 

Author's Warning

Please do not buy this book, if you are looking for a run of the mill self-help book. There are too many of them out there.
This is no book of advice! Who am I to advice you? It is just a collection of a hundred small stories that will help you to negotiate the tortuous path of life a little more easily. If one or two strike a chord in you, then my purpose of writing this book is served.
Before you waste your hard-earned money on this book, flip it at random, choose any nugget, and read it. If it is your type of reading, then welcome abroad. If not; good bye.
By the way, looking through the index alone will give you absolutely no idea about its contents. Ha! Ha!
Dr L.Prakash
Author


Index

    1. A blob of port wine
    2. One mans shampoo is another’s hand-wash
    3. How to make it last for an hour?
    4. Before you accuse someone!
    5. I was a hungry statue
    6. The theory of Morphic resonance
    7. The frog in the pot
    8. The suitable boy
    9. A fair handicap
    10. Crunchy pies – bread spread
    11. Where did the ship disappear?
    12. The problem may be closer home
    13. Let me look under the sheets
    14. Take it easy on the back swing
    15. Surprisingly surprising surprises
    16. Choose your life-mate carefully
    17. Don’t leave it till it is too late
    18. Why am I so happy today
    19. Lamp posts, eagles and lions
    20. Our grasshoppers jump a lot higher
    21. Hey! Someone stole my idea
    22. How far will the elastic stretch?
    23. Who are the starving children anyway?
    24. A dancing snake swallowing its tail
    25. Getting out of the sack caused problems
    26. Thorny seeds, failed zippers and hip joints
    27. The friend who is no longer there
    28. The man with four and a half fingers
    29. Do you have a headache honey?
    30. How to fit sugar cubes in a narrow mouthed bottle?
    31. What sins have I committed?
    32. The snail and the jelly fish
    33. Plundering villages and raping woman
    34. How smelly is your fart?
    35. The falling party gown and popping boobs
    36. Just give me a mild heart attack
    37. If only that bastard had said sorry
    38. But how could it have been a no ball?
    39. Care to sniff my rear-side buddy?
    40. Figure it out for yourself
    41. On top of a bus in a blizzard with a one legged dwarf
    42. Some people have all the luck. Others survive
    43. What was that again?
    44. The call center boy from Bangalore
    45. I am Wickedo, the devils lieutenant
    46. Why didn’t you tell me that you had a prescription?
    47. The hare and tortoise have stopped racing each other
    48. All for a jar of honey
    49. Rubber boots and Mackintosh raincoats
    50. While you are at it, buy a fur coat too
    51. Sad man, sane man, ecstatic chap, dammed fool
    52. Don’t go global by overlooking local issues
    53. No time like now
    54. Simplest solutions are most effective
    55. The dog died two weeks too late
    56. Doctor Doctor tell me….
    57. When you are philosophical, I will be material
    58. Being wealthy and rich don’t mean the same
    59. Chunni Lal’s last night
    60. Doctor circuit teaches Doctor short circuit
    61. Let people know that it is I who is the worlds handsomest man!
    62. Sorry doc, haven’t met my wife yet
    63. My grandson simply loves your squeaky voice
    64. Do you want to go to sleep or what?
    65. I had biscuits and drinks with God today!
    66. Coke vending machines, perfect woman and Santa Claus
    67. Why should I swim back all the way?
    68. Happy suits stitched in eight hours
    69. Electric bulbs and eight cylinder engines
    70. The speeding car and the strip club
    71. The wife who knew everything
    72. I am slogging in hot sun to make ends meet
    73. Delicious frog leg kebabs, mildly peppered
    74. The chap who was neither a vegetable seller nor sold spinach
    75. It is too dark inside a dogs belly
    76. Use bus number nine but get down at the post office
    77. Airsick penguin, freezing Kangaroo and Swiss Army Knife
    78. Rogue elephant, water hole and sugarcane field
    79. A ten liter jar of salad dressing
    80. The magic kettle, old ladle, and secret formula
    81. The weeping woman at the bus station
    82. Why do geese fly in a ‘V’ formation
    83. How long can I stand upside down
    84. Punch cards, tabulation machines and band aids
    85. Bags, boxes and basket full of sorrows
    86. A new ingredient to your cake
    87. Pastor from London and cabbie from New York
    88. Dosa, Coffee and Sidenafil Citrate
    89. Gold coin in the pile of dog shit
    90. Scrambled eggs and driving lessons
    91. The simplest way to cross a river
    92. Polish immigrant applying for a driving license
    93. If the flight is delayed, kick the monitor
    94. Curiosity, imagination and flying balloons
    95. Herons head in a lions jaw
    96. The asses bray while the horses kick
    97. If you believe, you can even cheat death
    98. A spoon, cup, or bucket: what’s your pleasure?
    99. Los Angles to Seattle via Memphis Tennessee
    100. I stopped digging just three feet before
    101.  Conclusion – The last word.


 Introduction


A nugget, as a dictionary will tell you, is a small irregular piece of gold found in mines. It may be small, but is valuable indeed. Lifonomy is not a word you would find in the dictionary. It is nothing but the science of lifemanship or the art of living!
In the following pages, you would find a hundred small anecdotes, stories, jokes and events, each of which tells an invaluable secret in life. These little tales have been collected from diverse sources over the years. Sufi philosophy, Zen Buddhism, the Vedas, Playboy jokes, Biblical stories, Mahabharata, Punch cartoons, and of course the internet have provided these nuggets.
I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I did, collecting and arranging them.

 Happy Reading,
 L. Prakash
 



1. A blob of port wine


The economist walked to the edge of the park and sat down on a bench. He looked at the old man beside him and was startled. He saw the horns. The sharp canines. He peeked in the back and even saw the pointed tail. The old man with a thousand wrinkles was sipping from a bottle.
“You are the devil aren’t you?” asked the economist. The old man nodded, took a deep sip of his bittersweet port and nodded. “Yes! I am!”
“So you are responsible for all the troubles in the world aren’t you?”
“No, I am not! Things just happen, and they blame me for everything! Just look at this!”
The old man, pointed his lips to the other side and spat out a blob of wine. In moments, flies started buzzing around it. The economist watched in fascination as things happened rather quickly after that. A lizard came out for the flies. A bandicoot followed the lizard and in moments, a snake appeared. A young boy, who was passing by that side, aimed a stone at the snake. The stone bounced a rock, missed the snake, and hit another boy who was at a little distance. That boy’s father abused the stone thrower and a fracas erupted. The two boys belonged to different religious communities and a knife made its appearance. The episode ended with the police firing on an irate mob. The toll was thirteen dead.
“After all I just spat a blob of wine, and people blame me for everything!” said the Devil, to the bewildered economist!
 The other incident is from real life. This too concerns an economist. A chap named Stephen D. Lewitt who has written a wonderful book “Freakonomics” This concerns crime rate in America! It is indeed a little intriguing; what would an economist have to do with crime rates in USA? Here is his study.
 In the early nineties, crime in America was at unprecedented levels. You could be knifed for the five dollars in your pocket. You could be killed for the leather jacket you wore. Of course you would be shot after you took out your jacket. No one wanted bloodstains on a lovely leather jacket.
Crack cocaine had made its appearance. Psychotropic drug usage was rampart. Crime rate was rising at an appalling fifteen to twenty percent per annum. Criminologists made predictions, which were indeed gloomy. They painted a grim future for late nineties and early two thousands.
However, what happened in real life was different. By mid nineties, the crime rates stabilized and then instead of going up, actually came down. Early two thousands had probably the lowest incidence of murders per million population, in the last fifty years. The criminologists judiciary and law enforcement were really shocked and a wide range of reasons were offered. Better policing, more efficient judiciary, deterrent punishments, drug control, gun control, and economic boom were, sited as various causes.
But economist Stephen J. Lewitt looked from a different perspective and traced the fall of crime rate to an event that happened in 1973. The US supreme court legalized abortion in that year. He conclusively showed that the decline in crime rates were a direct consequence to the criminals not being born. Most criminals were unwanted children from broken home, with an alcoholic or a drug addict for mother. After legalization of abortion, only about sixty percent of pregnancies proceeded to full term, and Lewitt conclusively proved that the crime rate died with the other forty percent.
It is thus important to remember that most happenings have an apparent cause, which is usually incorrect. The true cause may be a distant stimulus like a blob of port wine or an abortion law!


2. One mans shampoo is another’s hand wash


“Surf Excel keeps my hands soft, smooth and delicate” The pretty actor extolled. Her little daughter looked up curiously and asked,
“Mama! Does Surf Excel have special chemicals to soften your hands? Does it have a unique formula to be soft on your skin, while it is rough on clothes?”
“No beta! Acting in this Surf Excel commercial gives me enough money to afford a washing machine. I don’t have to dirty my hands washing clothes at all”
 Here is another one, more or less in a similar vein.
A man went to a reputed men’s barbershop. He took his seat, and looked at himself in the mirror. When the barber came close, he saw that his hands were rather dirty. The customer was a fussy man and spoke in an irritated voice, “Aren’t your hands grubby and soiled?”
Without batting an eyelid the barber said “Since morning I have had six haircuts, and two dye jobs. No one has asked for a shampoo as yet!”
Both the above stories convey a similar message. People out there are more concerned about themselves than you! The cricketer who extols the virtue of a hundred cc bike probably drives nothing but his Mercedes. The actor who endorses a chocolate is probably diabetic and cannot eat one. The actress who is praising a dry weave extra protection sanitary napkin is well past her menopause and the star Khan who claims that he cannot live without the favorite brand of his cola, probably forbids his children from drinking the same because it is too high in pesticides!
Just because a celebrity uses or pretends to use a product, by what rationale does it become attractive to us! One man’s shampoo is another’s hand wash.


3. How to make it last for an hour


During one of the really cold winters in Canada, a primary school teacher was teaching the kindergarten
“Children! It is essential to protect ourselves from the cold. We must always wear our thermal underwear. We must never forget our anoraks and overcoats. I had a little brother who went out in the snow pushing a sled. In his hurry, he had forgotten his anorak. When he returned home, he had a runny nose. He caught a bad cold, which unfortunately led to pneumonia. My poor brother died. So children, we must all remember, never leave home unless you are well protected”
 Five year old Billy from the rear raised a hesitant hand, “Miss! What happened to the sled?”
 Now try to fine the common theme with his one
 A Pastor was talking about the sins of adultery. The dangers of casual sex. The perils of an affair. The risks of visiting a prostitute.
“One hour!” He thundered.
“Just one hour of pleasure! That all you get! And see what you could loose……”
 He continued on an on; finally reaching AIDS and death.
“You could even die! And for what? FOR WHAT I ASK! Just one hour of pleasure……”
 After forty-five more exciting minutes of the sermon, a hesitant hand rose in the rear.
“Well Pastor! How to make it last for an hour?”
I hope you have got it now! Yes! The one common thing between the schoolboy in the first story and the churchgoer in the second. They both knew exactly what they wanted.
In real life too, it pays to remain focused on your goals!

 

Banana Books Home page

Dr L.Prakash's Home page

 

Banana Books (P) limited


Old No. 2/58, New No. 29, Karuneegar Street, Nerkundram,

Chennai 600107 India.

Phone: 044 29001193, 9791020615

bananabooks.chennai@gmail.com


www.bananabooks.in

Back to main page

profile counter myspace